Nagareboshi
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Tatsuha finally meets his idol and this fic explores how deep his feelings are for that idol.


Disclaimer: This is an unworthy fanfic but an attempt as a form of appreciation for the creativity of Maki Murakami!  
  
Nagareboshi  
  
by Yui Miyamoto  
  
For other boys, he had been a hero, someone who was a 'man's man'. But in my childhood, I had always watched one person differently from anyone else.   
  
There was one person I worshipped the very ground they walked on and count it as blessed...  
  
...that person was Ryuichi Sakuma.  
  
I know my brother just was plain sick of my 'hobby', which he called obsession by a thousand, but anyways, I don't care what he thinks since he's dating a singer anyway. Did I say dating? I meant, living with.   
  
He gave up that awesome beauty of Kyoko...  
  
for a boy...a seventeen-year-old boy...  
  
...but that's his business.   
  
A boy that looks likeRyuichi too...  
  
So, as I looked my brother's lover, all I could think about was Shuichi. The hair...the eyes...that body shape...they were the same...   
  
What would it be like to be with him? Shuichi, I mean. Touching Ryuichi was like trying to touch the dark side of the moon, you can get close, but never really get there. So, it would never be the same...but he was as close as I'd ever get.  
  
Then, without my knowledge, I saw Ryuichi enter the recording studio and stood next to Shuichi. I didn't know that they were recording a song together until K had told me.  
  
If I was stuck to the window looking down at them, I was even more pressed on that window. All my emotions were going in different directions.  
  
I loved that man.  
  
When I was ten, I thought Nittle Grasper's songs were cool because of course they were. But then, I kept on collecting stuff besides songs. Interviews...pictures...anything you can even THINK of having, I have it. I have it ALL.  
  
My brother started to give me looks even though he himself liked guys too. And half of the time, I denied 'admiring' Ryuichi more than I should. I mean, come on, a thirteen-year-old-boy in love with someone FIFTEEN YEARS OLDER?! And a guy no less?!?!  
  
Then, one day, I was again watching one of the concert videos alone in my room when I suddenly blurted out, "Wow, he's so awesome...maybe I do like him."  
  
At that moment, I looked around the room mortified at this foresight. "What the hell am I thinking?! Tatsuha, you baka!" I shouted inside my mind.  
  
And my thinking voice inside my head was going a million miles per second: "But he's 15 years older than I am!" "I'm only how old?!" "I'm in love with an idol. What's wrong with me?" "He's a guy. I'm a guy. He's a guy. I'm a guy..." "This isn't going to  
  
work." "What am I thinking?!"  
  
Negative thoughts began to burden my heart too: "You'll never even be able to see him." "There's no one like him in the world." "You absolutely have NO CHANCE of even getting a GLIMPSE of his attention."  
  
I sighed there, but I didn't cry. It took a lot to make me cry...but ah, hell. I shed a tear or two for this man whom I KNEW would never know I existed.  
  
"Tatsuha-kun?" Shuichi was next to me and patted my head. "I've been calling your name for five minutes. Why aren't you saying anything!?"  
  
"Sorry about that." I turned to face Shuichi, this Ryuichi look-alike. That Ryuichi I adored...the one that Shuichi was able to even touch and which I could not even look at on a regular basis. Just LOOKING...  
  
"Let's all have dinner together!" Shuichi happily said to me.  
  
I nodded in agreement, but then god himself walked into the room and I became weak in the knees. Shuichi had gone over to Ni-chan, who had just walked through  
  
the door, while I stared at Sakuma-kun.  
  
"Tatsuha-kun, let's go!" He said brightly and patted my shoulder. (Oh god, I don't think this is ever gonna be washed again...let alone be worn. I will think of mounting this...)  
  
I smiled and walked behind everyone casually. Okay, so I wasn't very 'casual' when I was just checking out Ryuichi from the back without anyone really noticing that I was.  
  
Ryuichi's…  
  
so...close...I...can...reach...out...and...touch...him.  
  
Then, Ryuichi turned around and tilted his head while saying to me. "Hurry up! I'm hungry!" in a voice that I had wished was only for me and all these other people were not here so that we'd be alone.  
  
But that could never be.  
  
He wasn't mine in the first place.  
  
And when he came next to me and pulled my hand, I almost tripped because I felt so light-headed that I didn't know what to do, but blindly let him guide me.  
  
"AHHH!" I screamed as we were running across the street because I had been daydreaming.  
  
I wish I were.   
  
Ryuichi was first tugging my sleeve, but now, he's really honest-to-goodness holding my  
  
hand. This unworthy hand.  
  
I was touching god himself.  
  
Oh, please kill me now. I'd be SO happy...  
  
My brother glanced back at me and gave me a smirk that was a half smile. He knew I was dying here and he kind of enjoyed that I was happy and that I was being stupid all over again. But I don't care!  
  
It's Ryuichi! Ryuichi! I'd do anything for him!  
  
While eating dinner, I sat in between Ryuichi and Shuichi and observed their similarities and I calmly ate dinner. But of course, I was really going to have a heart attack from this dream if anything more happened.  
  
When everyone was leaving, I waved goodbye to Ni-chan, Shuichi, Ryuichi, and the others. Then, I turned in the opposite direction from them.   
  
Though I was very happy and showed it with my smile, inside my heart, I was a little sad. Tomorrow's concert would be the last for Ryuichi for a while. He'd be leaving for the States right after it.  
  
"Ah, well, at least I have today."  
  
"Tatsuha-kun! Matte!" Ryuichi came running after me.  
  
I averted myself and stopped walking to face him. "Yes?"  
  
"I want you to come with me."   
  
I blinked my eyes and couldn't believe my ears. My god was asking me to come with him. Geez...I would goanywhere for you, my Ryuichi. If only you knew!  
  
"I've had fun in Tokyo, but let's go out together, Tatsuha-kun."  
  
You can REALLY kill me now...  
  
We then went to a karaoke place and started singing. I wasn't really that good but Ryuichi encouraged me to.  
  
I watched him earnestly and analytically. The way he was on stage was so different from the way he acted with other people. He looked so serious when he sang. But off the stage, he was so energetic.  
  
And here, this thirty-one-year-old was hanging out with a sixteen-year-old monk who happened to swoon over him, only he didn't show that to him. I showed my feelings to Shuichi, Ni-chan, and Hiro...but to Ryuichi himself, I was calm...okay, more light-headed  
  
and wishing the dream would never end, but you get the picture.  
  
When we left the karaoke place, we drove around town and even towards the bay where we leaned out the ledges, and looked up to see bright Seto bridge.  
  
Compared to an intense Ryuichi, he seemed so peaceful, and as always, energetic. He leaned on the ledge and began to wave his arms to tell me that the lights on Seto bridge were so pretty. "Wah! It's very beautiful! Other places have too many lights, but  
  
this is great!"  
  
"Ack!"   
  
Due his clumsiness, he almost fell over had I not dashed in light-speed and grabbed his waist. "Sakuma-kun!!!"  
  
He looked at me and smiled. I sighed in relief. "If anything had happened..." I whispered to myself...unfortunately too loud, though.  
  
"If anything had happened?" Ryuichi then gave me an innocent look of 'I-don't-get-it-would-you-please-give-me-an-honest-answer-why?'  
  
"If anything had happened..." I gripped my hand on his clothing (I was still holding him and he was still overlooking the ledge down to the ocean because he liked the scene so much) and closed my eyes and then looked the other way.  
  
"What? What would you have done, Tatsuha-kun?" he again asked, but in a serious tone.  
  
Still looking the other way, I answered, "I would have jumped after you."  
  
"But what if I died, Tatsuha-kun?"   
  
Horrified at the thought, I turned to look him straight in the face. "Then I guess I'll go with you...Ryuichi..."  
  
He slowly jumped off onto the sidewalk.  
  
I knew I had said something wrong. "You just HAD to ruin the moment, now didn't you Tatsuha?! Argh! Now he thinks you're a real nutcase."  
  
"Let's go, Tatsuha-kun." He put his hands in his pockets and we went into the car.  
  
Silent throughout the ride, I thought he was mad or thought I was crazy. Either way, I really thought he was taking me home...  
  
...but no, he brought me to his hotel.  
  
"I want you to help me make a new song, Tatsuha-kun." He smiled and grabbed my sleeve again.   
  
I sighed and was relieved that he wasn't mad at me.  
  
When we entered his dark room, he turned on the light.   
  
"Make yourself at home!" He smiled as he plopped down on the bed. I sat down next to him.  
  
He then got up to open the windows. "Look at this."  
  
I came over to him. "Tokyo looks so cool at night."  
  
At last, the appearance of 'the bunny' had come up and Ryuichi pushed it to my face and laughed. "Say hi!"  
  
Then, he cutely bit on its ear and still looked outside the window.  
  
Unable to take such cuteness that I turned around and bit my fist, I went towards the bed. Nervous for no particular reason other than that I was in the same room as my beloved Ryuichi, I sat down on the bed and looked around. Then, he came over to me and stood in  
  
front of me.   
  
He looked down at me with a serious look and leaned closer to me. With his hands, he placed my head between them as he whispered to my ear.   
  
It was in a tone he never used...it was only for me.   
  
Was I really dreaming?  
  
He said softly, "Tell me what love means to you, Tatsuha."  
  
"Ryuichi...san?" I know I've always wanted to be in this situation with him...always imagining that I'd be the one to seduce him, but when it came right down to it, I just couldn't because Ryuichi was like a star that I didn't want to defame if it was ever to shine brightly.  
  
"Tatsuha...tell me what you did earlier. Would you really do that for me?"  
  
I honestly nodded my head calmly. Unable to catch my voice, I whispered barely, "Yes, I would."  
  
"I fell in love with a girl once, and she loved me back, but she would never had said that."  
  
Quickly, without even thinking, I blurted out, "Then that's her loss..."  
  
He leaned closer and breathed into my ear as I sat there embarrassed and red. In an even lower whisper, he said, "Tell me what love really means to you."  
  
"I thought you wanted me to help you with song lyrics?" I suddenly sputtered out.  
  
"You are..." he then grabbed the back of my head and began to kiss me. Slowly unbuttoning my shirt, he squeezed my hands and started kissing my forehead and  
  
worked his way to my neck. "Don't think I'm just doing this just to do it, Tatsuha. I might be very energetic on the outside, but at night, it's lonely without anyone..."  
  
I kissed him back. "..."  
  
"No one has ever said that to me, Tatsuha..." he said as began to kiss me on the lips again. "But I've never really said it either."  
  
"Really?" I embraced him.  
  
"Really..."  
  
As he made love to me, I whispered to him what love was to me. I was both happy and sad at this fact of being with him, but that he would leave me after this.  
  
The person I was in love with felt alone...  
  
I couldn't believe it.   
  
But when I woke up to find him next to me, I poked his sleeping face to make sure he was real and kissed him on the forehead. I even hugged him. But as I did  
  
so, he held a grip on me.  
  
This sleeping face...I wish he didn't have to leave me.   
  
Ever.   
  
A few hours later, we went to the site where the concert was going to be held. All day they prepped. And we continued as if nothing had happened, which made me even more sad. Sadder than the fact that he was leaving for America right after this concert.  
  
So, as night approached, I began to feel even more pain than ever.   
  
I watched Shuichi and Ryuichi perform their duet. But then, Shuichi got of the stage and I clapped like crazy while my brother had a smirk on his face to show that he was proud of his lover.  
  
"Minna-san!" Ryuichi's voice echoed.  
  
The roaring crowd shouted back some response.  
  
"Nittle Grasper has another song for you!"  
  
Everyone looked at each other and began whispering as the cheers grew louder. "YEA!!!!!"  
  
"Do you want to hear it?"  
  
"YEAH!!!!!" the crowd shouted back.  
  
He cupped his hand on his ear. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!"  
  
The already pumped crowd went even crazier in their shout, "YEEEAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"That's more like it!" He put up his victory sign and nodded his head to Touma. "Then let's do it!!!!!"  
  
It was a new song that I had never heard before with the usual fast tempo that Nittle Grasper had, but when he opened his mouth, I sat there in shock, and really tried to feel relaxed.  
  
He shouted, "This is song is called,"Nagareboshi!!!!"  
  
"YEAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"It's like a star that you can't change,  
  
It keeps on shining.  
  
No matter what.  
  
Trying to touch perfection  
  
Only to fall to the Earth.  
  
I keep on running  
  
To keep on dreaming   
  
Something that'll never be.  
  
Something that involves  
  
You and Me.  
  
The falling stars keep on falling,  
  
You can't touch something so hot  
  
You'll burn yourself,  
  
And yet we try  
  
To keep it alive  
  
Even if we die.  
  
It's reaching for the person  
  
Who's right in front of you,  
  
You'd never thought it was  
  
So far away.  
  
Clinging onto a dream  
  
That will crush the  
  
people in it.  
  
And yet we try to   
  
fly off the edge  
  
Thinking we could fly.  
  
(whispering/speaking) You don't have to tell me  
  
The difference  
  
between love and hate.  
  
We're destined to always  
  
be this way,  
  
apart by FATE.  
  
The falling stars keep on falling (even to the edge  
  
of the earth)  
  
You can't touch something so hot (though you're a moth  
  
to a flame)  
  
You'll burn yourself, (It doesn't matter)  
  
And yet we try (to keep this feeling inside)  
  
To keep it alive (a forbidden desire)  
  
Even if we die. (Catch me.)"  
  
While he sang, you couldn't tell if he was crying or if he was sweating...  
  
Then, Ryuichi looked towards my direction for a second and nodded his head. He showed his smiling face to the crowd and then he said something that I would never forget.  
  
"Someone helped me make that song. And I'll say thank you this way to that friend."  
  
The crowd grew silent.  
  
"I'D JUMP OFF THE LEDGE FOR YOU TOO!!!!!!!!" He shouted with all his breath.  
  
I sat there calmly as if it weren't me. He didn't even look at me as he put down the mike and bowed to the crowd.  
  
When everyone was taking off, Ryuichi waved to us. And we all waved back to him as he went out the back stage door out into the private parking lot where his car was waiting for him.  
  
And I watched him drive off. I sighed and went the way I came from and in back of the crowd (K, Shuichi,etc.)  
  
Looking back, I saw his car stop.   
  
"Tatsuha-kun!!!" he shouted and I almost facefaulted because he was  
  
still here.  
  
I ran to the car. Huffing and puffing, I leaned on the open window. "Yeah?"  
  
"Keep Kumaguro for me." He handed me his bunny. Then he stuck half of his body out of the car to whisper to me. "This is to make sure I come back."  
  
Then, he sat back down and winked at me. "Okay, Tatsuha-kun?"  
  
Energetically, I smiled from ear to ear knowing what he'd meant to say to me. Then, he drove off for real.  
  
I turned around to find a piece of paper in the bunny's ear...  
  
The words he said he couldn't say to anyone else, or was too scared to say, he wrote it down. "You know I'm not good at this. I couldn't say it to you, but you could say it to me...all night. -Ryuichi."  
  
I put the note in my pocket and whispered to myself, "You don't have to tell me anymore, Ryuichi. You already did."   
  
"Tatsuha-kun! You're too slow! Come back here!!!!" Shuichi called as he beckoned me with his hand movements.  
  
My serious facade began to change phases and I smiled again because I did really reach for him...and he had reached back for me.   
  
Love to me was like a nagareboshi...a falling star.  
  
Weeks later, I picked up the new cd Nittle Grasper released and sang to myself on the ledge while looking up at Seto bridge:  
  
"...The falling stars keep on falling (even to the edge of the earth)  
  
You can't touch something so hot (though you're a moth to a flame)  
  
You'll burn yourself, (It doesn't matter)  
  
And yet we try (to keep this feeling inside)  
  
To keep it alive (a forbidden desire)  
  
Even if we die. (Catch me.)"   
  
"Don't worry, I will Ryuichi. I'll catch you." I whispered to the wind.  
  
--  
  
Author's note: Oh, gosh, I hope it wasn't too sappy. 


End file.
